Funny email snippets received this month

You just can't make them up!

"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."

"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink"

"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces."

"Our drain is leaking and our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it."

"Please send a man with a big digger to finish the job and satisfy my wife.."

" My sewage plant is in the shrubbery, but my bush is really overgrown round the front and I'm worried that the air can't get to it and it will smell"

"My drains at the back are broken and my back passage has fungus growing all over it"

How to avoid paying sewerage rates

If you have a septic tank which discharges to a soakaway in your garden, you don't have to pay ANY sewage rates at all.

You used to have to have a Consent to do this from the Environment Agency, who would not give one if you were, or could be connected to mains drainage. But this has now CHANGED!

You no longer need this consent for houses up to 10 people and if your soil is fairly well drained you can install a septic tank or sewage treatment plant and soakaway and NEVER PAY SEWERAGE CHARGES AGAIN!!

This is a perfectly legal and far more sustainable option than mains sewerage.